Paul (paulmeetsworld) wrote in gamecola,

The Gates of Life (6-9)

Chapter Forty-Nine
Let's Not Be Too Hasty

Narrator: The yellow light hit Rivers square in his big snout, and then, nothing happened.

Narrator: Until the TGoL AllStars all realized how slowly Rivers was now moving.

Render Girl: Slow movement effects aside for the moment, I want to know why Jonathan has three horns all of a sudden.

Jonathan: Have I not always had three horns?

Render Girl: Not that I can remember. Narrator?

Narrator: But before Narrator could answer the question, the true power of the yellow beam from the third horn of the minotaur made itself known.

True Third Power: Muahahahahaha! Despair, ye mortals! For I have been awakened!

Streebless: Oh no! what could that mean!?

True Third Power: It’s simple, my dear spoon.

Enrique: Not a spoon.

True Third Power: What?

QM Boy: He’s not a spoon. You’re thinking of Spoonlad.

True Third Power: I know; that’s who I’m talking to.

Singing Sea Bear Rivers: No, you were talking to Streebless. It’s a completely different character.

True Third Power: Seriously? Wow, I’m sorry.

Streebless: It’s OK.

True Third Power: It’s just that you are so similar, with the whole….

Streebless: I SAID IT’S OK!

True Third Power: Right. Anyway, as I was saying.

Narrator: But before the True Third Power could explain, he erupted into thousands of flaming fire balls of death and despair.

True Third Power: Nooo…I wanted to explaaaaain….

Rosalito: Dios mio!

Enrique: Nice.

Render Girl: Should we be moving out of the way, or what?

Necrostreeb: Aren’t you supposed to be the leader?

Narrator: Don’t bother. I’ll tell you all what happens.

Render Girl: OK, do it.

Narrator: I’m going to.

Render Girl: So do it already.

Narrator: I will!

Render Girl: I’m waiting.

Narrator: ENOUGH. You all die! That’s right. Every last one of you gets burned to a crisp and the story is over.

Render Girl: Apparently not.

Bar-Bar: I’m still here… BASTARDS.

Rivers: And so am I…wait, why am I back in my original form?

Render Girl: You mean Apul form, or the one right after that?

Rivers: I mean my ORIGINAL form. I was never Apul.

Render Girl: Right. Hey, wait. Why haven’t I reverted, too?

Bar-Bar: Hahahahaha!

Rivers: My guess is that the fires burned away everything except my original form. Since you technically had your man parts switched with QM Boy, and she appears to have burned to a crisp…

Render Girl: You mean… they incinerated my…

Bar-Bar: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!! This is the best day of my life!

Render Girl: ….

Narrator: There was a time when my narration actually meant something. When I said something, it actually happened. Why are you three still alive?

Render Girl: That’s what I want to know. What’s the point of continuing to live?

Rivers: Oh come on, we’ve got a lot left to live for!

Render Girl: Easy for you to say. You still have a penis.

Bar-Bar: You may need a microscope to see it, but its there! ASS BASTARD BASTARDS!!

Render Girl: Let’s try to keep the juvenile jokes to a minimum. This is The Gates of Life. It’s a serious drama about real people. We don’t have time to waste on fourth grade humor.

Narrator: Here’s an idea. Fight to the death.

Rivers: What? Why?

Narrator: Well, don’t you all want to be the leader?

Bar-Bar: YES!

Render Girl: I don’t care anymore.

Narrator: Well you want to die anyway, so why not fight to the death?

Render Girl: Good point—I’m in.

Rivers: But…my original form never wanted to be the leader!

Narrator: Well then you’d better hope you don’t have to fight in round one!

Which Gate Do You Choose?

Old Friends: Render Girl vs. Rivers

Rivers: We don’t need to do this!

Render Girl: What else is there to do?

Rivers: We need to keep living! To complete our quest!

Render: The only quest I have is to cut off your manhood and make you feel the infinite sadness I feel before I release you into the arms of the reaper.

Rivers: You are more emo than I am now that your penis is gone.

Old Enemies: Render Girl vs. Bar-Bar

Bar-Bar: DIE!

Render Girl: Works for me.

Old Friends...wait…enemies? Apul doesn’t count!

Rivers: Wait!

Bar-Bar: NO!

Rivers: OK, fine. It’s fusion time.
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